New Year, New Closet, New Heart

 

Have you ever had a meltdown over what is in your closet?

I know I have!

I had them in high school at a size 6 and now in mid-life at a size __... a girl needs some secrets.

I had my last meltdown over a year ago but I still remember it, vividly. It was a Sunday morning while getting ready for church, seems that Sunday mornings often have problems but that is a topic for another day. I hated everything in my closet, nothing was working together and I could not find something that I was looking for. At the high/low point of this meltdown my daughter walked into my room to ask a question. When she came in my bed was piled high with rejected clothing, shoes were all over the floor and my nerves were shot. I do not remember her question or my answer but I remember my attitude. Boy, do I remember my attitude! It was HATEFUL and SELFISH, not nurturing and kind. She left my room hurt. I was left in my room with a pile of clothing and an even bigger pile of regrets. I started praying, I asked God for forgiveness and asked Him to help me change this area of my life. He started by bringing a verse to my mind.

I will give thanks to You, for

I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your Works

And my soul knows it well.

Psalm 139:14

God convicted me that I would tell my daughters this verse but I did not believe it and if I did not believe it they might not either. Again, I confessed to God and asked for forgiveness. Then I did the same with my daughters.

The next day I started cleaning out my closet.

1. I got rid of everything that did not fit.

- This was very hard for me. I can be a hoarder and live in the what ifs of life but God...

BUT GOD wanted to know did I have faith that he loved me enough and could/would provide again if my size changed. Did I trust Him?

I let the clothes go.

2. I calculated how many pieces of clothing I really needed.

- I started getting rid of excess. This step was easier because it tended to be things that I had extra of or never wore.

3. I decided if something was going to hang in my closet I had to love it.

- I learned things about myself during this step. God revealed a very ugly and large void in my heart that I had tried to fill with selfishness and pride. I was not prepared for this. I wanted these clothes even though I did not love them. It was hard to pass these pieces on because they fit and I did not have extras, everything in me wanted to cry out but God...

BUT GOD reminded me that all that I have is His and that He had freely given it to me and I should freely give to others. So I gave. With each item I gave God filled a piece of that gaping void with His love.

Fast Forward to today.

Do I still have bad days?

Of Course! I still have hormones and the devil is still on the prowl but I do not meltdown.

Did you hear that?

I DO NOT MELTDOWN.

Now when I have a bad day I go to my closet and know that I love everything in it but more importantly I know that

I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE

and I give thanks to God for all that He has given me and taught me.

My closet today
What has God been cleaning out in your life?

Charity