Friday, August 3, 2012

Am I Beautiful?

Most days I will answer that with a big NO!  But there are rare days and if not days moments when I feel beautiful.  So what is different about those moments?  This is a question that has been rolling around in my head and heart lately and I have been turning the question to God.  Why do I not feel beautiful? 

The other day while on my tenth outfit I prayed that God would help me find something that I didn't hate.  Within the next few tries I found something that was okay.  Much of that days problems had to do with the fact that I have put on weight and nothing in my closet fits.  I know weight is an obstacle to overcome on my way to feeling beautiful but I know it is NOT why I don't feel beautiful.  I haven't ever felt different at any size.  So this brings me back to what is different in those moments when I do feel beautiful.  After much prayer and evaluation of people who seem to always feel beautiful I have come to the conclusion beauty is tangled up in our self worth.  Most days I do not feel worthy to be beautiful - I am just a staying home, just cleaning house, just teaching my kids.  I do not make myself worth the effort and my self worth goes down daily.  The flip side is after year of hiding behind beauty products and clothing, pretending I felt worthy when really I was a broken mess, I now feel guilt when I dress up.  Like I am being fake (lies from Satan, I know).  Again my worth goes down. 

So what is a girl to do in this crazy world to feel beautiful?

I wish I knew!

I wish I had the answer!

All I know is that I am bringing this to God and I am ready for the journey.  I am not walking away from this until I am confident in my godly worth and beauty!  I have complete faith that God will forgive and restore!  I know I will be changed after this and there will be an abundant overflow that will come out of me naturally and spill over into others lives.  I am excited.

21 Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of[a] your evil behavior. 22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation  Colossians 1:21&22

This post is in response to my friend Jamie's post.  I am taking a leap out of my comfort zone and being one of her models for her project.  She asked me just days after I started praying about all of this. It is so cool how God works.  I am praying and trusting that I will see myself as beautiful in these pictures and not want to hit delete like I do on every other picture I see of myself.  I am praying for Jamie and each of her models that the images will show how God sees each of these women.  I will let you know the results and what God calls me to do next.

Does anyone else struggle with this? 
Please tell me I am not alone.

Sit Relax and Read


Sarah Pinault said...

If we can learn to gaze at God and simply glance at the things around us, then everything will fall into place. When I am focused on God, when I am spending time with him and in his word, I don't think I even notice that I'm heavier than I was or that my hair is messy, that my jeans don't fit anymore. When I spend time away from him, the peripheral in my life suddenly becomes the focus instead of the background. Having said that, I saw a quote the other day that just cracks me up - I wish I was as thin as I was when I thought I was fat!

Katherine said...

You are soooo not alone! I think we all (women) struggle with this. I think you are onto something with the feelings of selfworth & what we deserve. Women put others' needs ahead of their own and don't feel that they are worth that extra that they would give someone else. I hope you find the answers...

Renee said...

What an honest post! You are so not alone, women almost always are too busy taking care of everyone else to take 5 minutes for ourselves. I love love, love that you are taking it all to God. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Heidi @ Decor & More said...

Oh my gosh, you are totally NOT alone! I wrestle with this periodically but I always come back to knowing that "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" and in HIS eyes I am beautiful, forgiven, redeemed, restored.
Keep praying, my sweet friend. You are one of the most beautiful women I know. xo Heidi

Charity said...

You ladies are so sweet. Thank you for the encouragement.

Love you all,


Susan Shull said...

You are definitely not alone, honey! It is hard to see ourselves as we really are-inside and outside. I like how you are putting the focus on God and taking it off yourselves, which I am pretty sure is the answer to feeling pretty or at least contented. BTW, I saw you at The Pearl event and you are beautiful. Trust me!

The Pennington Point said...

When I start to struggle with this God always reminds me that my real beauty is in my countenance. Then I remember the women that I think of as the most beautiful women I know and it is not their looks that make me think that. It is how they carry themselves, how they love others, how they find joy in all things, how they encourage.

Your beauty shines through those gorgeous dimples and fabulous hair! I think you're beautiful because of what's inside. Love you! Lisa~

Dash Interiors said...

First time here! Loving your blog :).
Thanks for sharing!


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