Available

Here we are again,

that time of year were all things seem possible.

Last year,

around this time,

I found a tradition I had never heard of--

it was to pick a word for the year instead of making resolutions.

This appealed to me because it seemed simpler,

choose one word and concentrate on it for the year.

Little did I know when I started to pray about what my word should be that God would show me in my rebellion that my word was submit (you can read about it here).  When He revealed that word it seemed so obvious, I can have a bit of a rebellious nature (yet I am a rule follower to a legalistic degree,go figure).  I thought I had this submit thing understood, God was just going to be working on that "rebellious streak",

just like me to put God in a box.

Well, He did work on that streak of rebellion but that was only the beginning.  He had far bigger plans than just that.  I can say with out a doubt that I have changed more in this year than any other in my life.  He called me to give up most all T.V., all non-christian radio (I don't know if this is only for a season or for good).

He ask me to walk away from friendships that were not bringing me closer to Him.  He asked to step out of my comfort zone and be a teacher (to other peoples kids).  Our finances have been stretched tighter this year than ever in our married life, for 6 months in a row we had a 500-1000 dollar unexpected expense.  Through all of this I have prayed and found God's will and submitted to change.  Now I will NOT tell you that it was easy, some were,some were not and I had to be asked more than once.  One area I/we (hubby and I) had held back on was finding a new church.  My husband and I had felt that God was nudging us in that direction, but we both held back.  We were comfortable where we were, it was easy.  We also had and have some life long friendship in that church and it would hurt desperately to walk away from them.  So, we stayed.  That is when God allowed us to see things for what they really were.  Not everyone in the church was the friend they claimed to be.  These people handled somethings with us/me very wrong, over and over again.  I have never been more hurt by another person than this, it shattered my world.  Days came and went that I did not eat or sleep-no matter what I did I could not escape the pain.  Pain so deep that there were moments I wanted to walk away from God.  If this was life with God, why bother.  But that is what the enemy wanted me to feel, nothing would make him happier than me turning my back on God.  That is NOT what happened. I submitted to God's will, God's healing, and God's love.  We have chosen to submit to the long (for us) process of finding a new church.  I also chose to submit to forgiveness, mine and the people who had hurt me.  I finally let go of guilt of past sins that have haunted me for years and accepted full forgiveness.  I also gave full forgiveness to all the people who were involved with hurting me, even without them ever saying they were sorry or asking for my forgiveness.  Now as we continue to look for a new church and think we know the one, I will once again submit because it is a mega church and I freak out in crowds.  I am amazed at how even in this God has been preparing me.  He has prepared me and walked with me through each of these battles.  My faith has been tested and has come out stronger, my heart has been broken and come out softer.  I am thankful for this year of submit and I am excited about my new year.  I wanted to choose a light and fluffy word for this new year,

but after praying available is the word that clearly is meant for this year.  So here I stand at the beginning of 2011 declaring I am available to God and His will, I have an excitement about this year that is stirring in my spirit that I wish I could explain.  I am ready to see God reveal Himself in this year, I am ready to be changed.

Welcome 2011