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anybody still out there?
Sorry I haven’t been here in awhile. I have had a few things I needed to work out in my heart and head. Have you ever been there? I started the 31 days series fully confident that I could write for all 31 days, I even have most of the post written (in my head, ha!) and the other days I know what I was going to write about just not the approach I was going to take. I am sure most - if not all - of it will end up here in time. I still believe in what I had to say.
For today though I am going to try and give you a glimpse of what I have been struggling with.
So here it goes….
Pride and Jealousy
Two ugly words that can do a number on a girls heart and head.
Have you been there?
My story starts from a struggle of insecurity, this has been a life long struggle for me and one I have to give to God over and over again to be free. The past 8 months or so I have mostly struggled with insecurity over my online shop ( I am purposefully not including a link here, this post is not about getting a sell). It is very hard to move forward with an idea that you believe God planted in your heart/mind and it not be successful, monetarily speaking. I have prayed about it over the months, moved the shop to where I thought it would do better, paid for advertising, given away countless amounts of product, and even participated in craft fairs. All for nothing or what seemed like nothing to me. So I had become frustrated and defeated. This story would be bad enough if it ended there but unfortunately it did not! I let it get uglier, I played the comparison game – yuck I know. I would look at other peoples products and put theirs down so I could feel better about myself (pride is NOT pretty) and I would be jealous of their success.
I felt hurt and forgotten by God.
Stick with me here, I know at this point I am not very likable. I am not sharing all of this so you will not like me or for you to feel sorry for me. I am sharing it because if there is anyone else out there struggling with this and they can find their way back to God and hope because of my honesty…. then it is worth it to me to show my less that perfect self.
First you should know I have spent much time in Bible study over the years and have overcome many areas of insecurity (so I know God to be faithful in this area) but there are times when it has snuck back in. This is one of those times, once I realized what it was I did the only thing I know to do.
I turned to God, I prayed for forgiveness for my pride and jealousy and confessed all the ugly thoughts and words I had about others. Then I spent time in the Bible studying
-Again-
Who I Am In Christ Jesus
and that His plan and timing are perfect.
Today, I write this from a new place. I am happy for others success and I know that God has a plan for me and that I just need to lean in close to Him and He will take care of the rest. I am excited for whatever He has for me and no longer wishing for what others have. That is their story NOT mine.
Now you know the good the bad and the ugly!
If I didn’t scare you off and you want to talk about it more leave me a comment or send me an email
I would love to hear from you.
15 comments:
Sweet beautiful girl...no words. Just love. Thank you for sharing.
I just love you and this post! We all struggle with this, especially pride and jealousy! Owning it is so powerful, I have always looked up to you and admired you so much, this just increases it! God bless you, have been praying hard for you!
This post is brilliant and makes you more likable than ever before if that is even possible. You are open and honest. We all feel that way at some point in our lives. I have also struggled with my own insecurities and pray about it all the time. It is our human nature to look and compare, but I have found such a peace in really focusing on what I have instead of what I don't. I have made such an effort in the last year and it has paid off. You (and your beautiful words) are such an inspiration. More than you will ever know!
You are the best...enough said...love this post. :)
I'm really proud of you, Dear Friend. Thanks for sharing this. I think that if we are honest, this is something that we all struggle with on some level or another. You are a work in progress - no harm in admitting to that! {hugs!}
(I am in the process of reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, and learning all sorts of things myself.) God is good!
Have a Happy Monday. ~Sally
Sweet post, Charity. God is always able to turn our ugliness to beauty and our failings to His glory. This will help so many to face their own heart attitudes with honesty. I know I will need this reminder as I go forward. I just quit my job at WTreasures and am starting a blog & biz myself. Can we be prayer partners in this scary ride?! :)
Oh sweet friend! I believe we have all been there at one time or another. I struggle with this as well. Most of the time I compare myself to others in my business type and feel I am sorely lacking-time, talent, babysitters. I have a serious case of the 'if-only I had this...' and I need to stop that. I have everything I am supposed to have at this moment.
thanks for the reminder.
xoxo,
Kristi
You are so dear to me! I love that you will write about your deepest insecurities. We all have them (a fact you and I have discussed many times) and it is such a relief to know we're not alone. I am proud to call you my friend and proud of you for writing what's on your heart. Love, Lisa~
Beautifully said! Perhaps God's purpose in having you start your shop was to learn how to work through this area. Trust me, we all suffer in this area in one way or another. I think God is you for His glory right now!
Becky B.
www.organizingamdefun.com
Organizing Made Fun
Oh, my friend, I think we all wrestle with this from time to time; you did the ONLY thing you could do, which was turn to God's Word. And then share. :)
xoxo
Oh do not feel alone - we have all struggled with pride and jealousy. I feel it is just Satan's sad attempt to pull us out of the arms of the One who loves us most. Stay strong!!
Thank you for the heartfelt posting!!
I've really been missing you! I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling. We all have these points in our life though, and it's what we do with them that makes us better! You are a wonderful lady who I feel blessed to know online.
In the blogging world it's so easy to only show the best of ourselves. The Lord is working in me to be transparent so that I can be an encouragement to others. Well done. :-)
i think i say this with everyone of your posts, but it's just so very true!
i love your heart! i love how you follow it & turn to Him. you are a beautiful person inside & out.
i love you!
kellie
My sweet Cha Cha...I love you! I think we have all been there at one time or another. Just when I think I have learned my lesson and moved on..yep. It raises it's ugly head. His grace my sweet friend will bring you peace. Hang in there!
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